Lord Come Quickly

So I tackled my first time at church. I cried most of the morning while I was getting ready. I was hoping to "get it all out" and keep myself composed while at church. I did pretty good at first. Once the singing started, I sort of lost it. It was my first time to sit in the pew by myself. (with the exception of the few times I went when Jason was either sick or out of town) It felt weird. I was surrounded by hundreds yet I felt so alone. The sermon today was about Jesus coming back. Before Jason died, I would have told you that I was excited about Heaven. However, there was a part of me that also enjoyed my life and was okay if Jesus didn't return during my lifetime. I think most of us are that way. Even as Christians, we get so tied to this Earth and we don't long for Jesus to return. I'm ashamed to admit that it's taken my husband's death to switch my view. I long for Jesus to come. I can't wait for heaven. Please, Lord come now. Maranatha!

I have a few more important meetings and things on my to-do list. I'm hoping that after this week I will feel more comfortable with my financial situation and future. Ugh, decisions and meetings that I never wish I had to make or attend. Still seems like a bad dream some days.

Thank you for all the prayers, emails and texts about today. I'm so blessed to have amazing friends that pray for me when I sometimes don't even have the words. I conquered something today....one of the many "firsts" that are headed my way. Even though it hurt, I survived. Jason would be proud.