My boys started school on Monday. I will admit. I wasn't quite ready. Of course there were days this summer that I craved routine and structure. But I never missed doing homework, packing lunches, or spending an hour each day going through 2 school pick-up lines to get my kids.
Cooper- first day of 3rd grade.
Hudson- first day of 6th grade.
Cooper has a male teacher this year.....which is rare. He really likes him so far.
It's been really quiet around here this week. I'm sort of looking forward to going back to preschool in the next couple of weeks. Gives me something to do and lets me socialize with some friends.
Hard to believe that this is the third school year we have started without Jason. I wish I could say that it was easier or that the void seemed less noticeable but I can't. He is missed in such huge ways still.
Last night, Cooper and I were looking through pictures for his class assignment. He was told to bring pictures of his family and favorite things and they would be putting them together on a poster. Obviously, Cooper wanted to include Jason......which I love. But as I scrolled through pictures looking for the perfect one it became so clear that time is moving on. We are growing and changing and he isn't. The pictures of Jason and Cooper together are a treasure....but Coop looks so small and it hurts that we have none that are current. It was impossible for me to look through them without crying. This all still seems so unfair. Why did they have to lose such a great dad?
Cooper is also starting to mature in his grief and he realizes that he got the shaft. He has made several comments to me about Hudson getting Jason for 8 years while he only had him for 5. He's envious that I had him for over 12 years....he gets really emotional when he talks about this. Even at 8 years old now, he can comprehend that 5 years just wasn't enough.
Today I am sad. Nothing specific. Nothing new. Just one of those days where it's harder to tuck the emotions inside and pretend it's all okay. Allowing myself to feel it and work through it. Tomorrow is a new day......