Rudy

Once we decided to start a family, Jason and I struggled to get pregnant.  We went through infertility treatments and a miscarriage before God decided it was time to bless us with a baby.  During that time, we were not sure if or when we would ever get pregnant.  So we did what every other young couple does: we got a dog.

We were in the middle of some of our treatments and we decided to start looking for a pet.  We knew that we wanted a dog at some point but I really didn't like the idea of having a new puppy and a newborn at the same time.  We went to a pet store and Jason laid eyes on the cutest, fluffiest little fur ball.  We were tempted but walked away empty handed that night.  The next day, we got a call that our fertility treatment didn't take.  We were disappointed and sad about this news.  Jason looked at me and said, "let's go get the dog."  And so we did.

And a few months later.......we got pregnant with Hudson.   :)

The puppy was so small that he fit inside Jason's coat pocket.  (I actually have a picture of this somewhere!) He was so cute and we were happy to have a distraction from all the "trying to get pregnant" stuff.  We named him Rudy.  Over the years, he has gained names such as Roo Roo and Rudy Tootie Fresh and Fruity.  He is definitely a big part of our family.

Rudy has always been a mama's boy.  But, he loved his daddy too.  (and he loves the boys as well)  Rudy obviously spent more time with me since I was home raising the boys but he and Jason had their time together as well.  Pretty much every night, I would go to bed before Jason did.  He and Rudy would come into the bedroom while I washed my face and brushed my teeth.  Rudy would jump up on the bed and Jason and I would visit one last time about the day.  Jason would kiss me goodnight, walk towards the door and turn off the light.  Rudy would jump off the bed and run down the hall.  Jason would close the door and then join Rudy in the living room.  They typically spent a couple of hours together on the couch while Jason watched sports.  This was their time to bond.

Rudy threw up for the first few days after Jason died.  It's almost like he knew.  After my mom went home (she stayed a month or so with us) I allowed Rudy to sleep in bed with me.  For several days, he would lay down right next to Jason's pillow and whine.  It was heartbreaking.  One day he followed me into the closet and went to Jason's side.  Jason had all his dress shirt hanging on the lower section of the closet.....they were just a few inches off the ground.  Rudy walked through the shirts- basically with his face rubbing against all of them......and he did this back and forth for a while.  You could tell he was craving him and even his scent.  I wished so bad that I could explain what was going on.

This week when I got the t-shirt quilts from my friend, I came home and laid them out so that I could take a picture of them.  Being the nosy little thing that he is, he came over to see what I was doing.  I spread the quilt out and he immediately laid on it and rubbed his face back and forth over the squares.  Even though I couldn't smell Jason.....I think he could.  I tried to get him off so that I could take the pictures but he wouldn't budge.  He cried and kept rubbing his face.  I got on the floor and called his name but he wouldn't move.  So, I let him lay on it for a bit until he finally let me pick him up and move him off.  Rudy misses him in such a big way, just like the rest of us.

It took him a while to realize that Jason isn't coming back.  In the evening, he would often lay in the hallway by the laundry room since this is next to the garage.  He would just stare at the door.  Again, so very heartbreaking.

Even though he's just a dog, it's been amazing to see how much he's been effected by this loss.  While he still loves the boys and me....I can tell he misses his late night buddy.