The week before camp, I could tell that the boys were in different places as far as wanting to go: Hudson was not excited and Cooper was counting down the days. This is pretty typical even in normal life. I tried to talk more about the fun camp things they would be doing (archery, horseback, etc....) and less about the therapy and group work they would be doing.
We dropped them off on Sunday afternoon and were able to avoid panic attacks or meltdowns. (me included!) In the car on the way home, I was happy that it had gone smooth and I felt very comfortable that this was going to be a good week for them.
My friend, Tammie, is a therapist there so she sent me a few texts throughout the week letting me know that they were having fun. This was super helpful......just knowing that someone there was keeping a little eye on them.
I did get a couple letter from them throughout the week: (can't get this one to turn the right way)
From Cooper:
"I made a girl friend. I'm so happy. I love you mom. I'm having fun."
From Hudson:
"I love it so far. I want to come another week. The showers are not the best but they are worth it. I miss you! I will write another on Wednesday! P.S. I can't find the spare batteries for the flashlight."
So Saturday morning, Shawn and I drove to camp and attended the closing ceremonies. It was sweet and emotional and you could feel the strong bond between campers and counselors. I listened to the adults share stories about how this camp impacted them in huge ways. Many of the counselors have normal, full-time jobs and every year they use a week of
their vacation to work this camp. That says a lot!
For the last activity, we all met outside.......where the entire camp planted a new tree. Each camper was given a rock to decorate and placed it at the base of the tree.
When that was over, we were told to find our children. It was crowded and crazy so Shawn and I split up....I went to find Cooper and he went to find Hudson. We met back once both boys were signed out and I was so happy to see them. Cooper was ALL smiles.......seriously, this boy was so excited to see us. Hudson was very quiet and actually quite rude. He would not look us in the eyes, he avoided talking to us, etc... I was trying to not take this personally but it was hard. Shawn was trying to figure out what was going on. We gathered their luggage and piled into the car.
Headphones immediately went on their heads.......they had been without technology for an entire week so I didn't say anything. Plus, I figured they had talked and shared all week long and I wanted to give them space with that. On the drive to lunch, I tried to analyze why Hudson was acting this way. I told Shawn that maybe he was just pissed about the reason he was even there. I've had times like that so I totally understand. Maybe he was just hot and tired and ready to be home?
The boys were starving so we stopped for lunch at Subway. A few bites into his sandwich, Hudson starts crying. Huge crocodile tears rolling down his face. I asked him what was wrong and he said "I don't want to leave camp." He was seriously devastated. Here was my hesitate little boy that really didn't even want to go to camp.......now crying because he didn't want to leave. I have no idea exactly what happened all week at camp but I can say that my boys are changed because of it. Once he cried and let us know what was going on, he was no longer mad and rude.
This guy didn't make it very far. He was tuckered out!
Since we have been home....there have been lots of tears. Both of my boys miss camp terribly. Why? Because it's the only place they have ever been where all their "friends" understand. Think about it: In real life, they have ZERO friends that have lost a dad. No one in their circle understands. This week, they were surrounded by other kids that have also lost a mom or a dad and that is an amazing bond. It's refreshing to surround yourself with people in similar situations.
During group therapy, the boys participated in activities and discussions that helped them work on their grief.
A pillowcase that Cooper made.
Since they have been home, they have been talking quite a bit about Jason and asking lots of questions. There have been lots of tears, lots of "I miss dad" and lots of "when can we go back to camp?"
The other night, sweet Cooper crawled into my bed and whispered "what were dad's last words?" Good grief. NOTHING prepares your heart for questions like this. I shared a bit of our last conversation before his surgery and I was so happy to tell him that his dad's last words were "I love you."
I have seen some growth in these boys. I feel forever indebted to this camp for helping them share and work through their feelings. Are we finished? Far from it but this camp will serve as an important resource for them. They are already counting down until next summer when they can go back.
On a funny note, the boys and I were talking about camp last night:
H: can we go next year?
me: yes, I think that would be good.
C: it cost a lot of money, right?
me: yes, it was expensive but so worth it. We will need to start saving our money for next year.
C: yea, Shawn is gonna need to work hard. We are counting on him!
