When sweet boy and I went to the Steven Curtis Chapman concert a few months ago.....I was really excited, not only because I love SCC, but because Laura Story was also going to be there.
After Jason died, I had a few people send me the link or words to her song Blessing. If you haven't heard this song, Google it because it's great. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to that song, with huge tears rolling down my face, while trying to still look at my situation as a blessing. It's been hard.
At the concert, Laura sang her new song "I Can Just Be Me." I immediately loved it that night because I often feel that I fail in so many areas. And I've loved it ever since that night when I hear it on the radio.
I've mentioned already that the last two months or so have been hard and emotional for me. Putting my situation aside though, it's been hard for me in others ways because this time of year is when families are getting together to do things, my friends are all getting super crafty with their kids......and I don't feel that I measure up.
I've struggled the last few weeks with "have I been doing enough for the boys?" or "am I creating enough fun memories for them right now?"......you know all those thoughts and questions that most of us moms ask ourselves. And my answer has been no.
I still have a hard time explaining to other people how different I feel from 2 years ago. The inability to juggle lots of things at once, lacking the emotional energy to invest in other things or people, no motivation to do certain things.....the list goes on. I'm just so different than I was before. I feel like a watered down me. It stinks.
Last night, I sat in our bathroom after putting the boys to bed and vented and cried my eyes out to sweet boy because I feel overwhelmed with this thing called life. But he reminded me that I'm being too hard on myself. And that I'm a great mom. And that I'm doing a darn good job considering all the stuff I've been through the last 2 years.
I laid in bed last night and I started thinking about this song. I honestly felt Him telling me that I don't have to be perfect or have it all together because He does. I can continue to be scattered and broken and half of the person I once was because He's none of those things. And He bridges the gap for me. Why do we have to be so hard on ourselves?
Anyways, I wanted to share this song in case you haven't heard it. You might be experiencing a trial right now......financial, in your marriage, issues with your kids.....or maybe just the overall burden that this time of year can bring for us. You know, the need to be perfect all the time and be the Queen of Pinterest and post nothing but perfection on our Facebook status.
It's my prayer today that I won't fall into this trap anymore. I need to constantly remind myself that my God is who he is.....and that allows me to just be me.