I read on Facebook yesterday that they are in the works on filming "Dumb and Dumber To." If you knew Jason at all then you knew that he loved the first movie. We had quite a few lines from that movie that we would say often to each other. Lots of little funny inside jokes. He was good like that.
I had such an urge to call him and tell him.
It's obviously not so much about the movie but it's more about how life is changing and things are progressing and he isn't here to see any of it. I hate that we are all changing and getting older, yet the pictures of him remain the same. How weird is it going to be when I'm old and frail (if I make it that long!) to look back at my young 40 year old husband that never got the chance to really age?
I've found myself sinking into a bit of a slump lately. It's fall.....his favorite season of all. The Longhorns are playing football and it feels so wrong to watch without him. We are about a week and a half away from his Heaven day and that date is a big flashing reminder that he is gone.
I am trying so hard to not focus on that day or allow myself to get psyched up over dates and anniversaries anymore. But it's hard to do. As much as I tell myself that it's really just a day and no different than the other 364 days that are equally as hard.....I still find myself dreading them just the same.
I remember about 6 weeks after Jason died, I was sitting on the couch at my counselor's office. I was clinging to her every word...desperate for some advice or some answer on when I would no longer feel that much pain. I recall her telling me that one day I would be able to speak about Jason without crying and look back on him and his life with nothing but fond memories. She told me that it was then I would know that I was really healed.
Two years later I find myself still crying often when talking about Jason to others. While I am certainly able to reflect back on him with wonderful memories.....there is still such a deep level of sadness and longing to see him again. It's hard to imagine that I will ever feel any different.