Wishes and a Weekend for Jason

I find it very interesting that people can have such different views of death and all the details that surround someones funeral and arrangements.  I've mentioned this before but I'm so thankful that Jason and I did have some of those discussions during our marriage.  I can't imagine being thrust into that situation and then find myself unsure of what to do or how to make some of those tough decisions.  Even though I hated that I was making them, I felt 100% confident that it was what he wanted.  If you have not had those conversations with your spouse, have them tonight.  A lot of people shy away from discussing this because they feel it's morbid or they feel they have plenty of time to talk about it.  None of us know our expiration date so don't take that chance!

Last night, Shawn and I laid in bed and had those exact conversations.  It was oddly comfortable for me.  I guess I just wanted to really lay it out there and let him know what I wanted.  It's crazy because we are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to the details.  While we can appreciate the others viewpoints...we also feel strongly about our own individual wishes.

Personally, I don't want a single person to see me after I die.  Okay, that might be a tad dramatic.  If my immediate family feels the need to do that then I am okay with it (but really I won't be able to stop it either )  I just want people to remember me alive.  I want to be cremated.  I want half of my ashes buried next to Jason's ashes and the other half can be split among a few small urns for my family and the rest can be scattered.  Much like what I did with Jason's.  I don't want a big fuss made at my funeral.  I don't want a ton of money wasted on flowers.  I don't want a lot of sad songs that will make people want to cry even more than they already are.  Simple, simple, simple.  

Shawn is completely open to people seeing him when he's gone.  In fact, he feels that he owes people the chance to gain closure by telling him goodbye.  He wants a traditional burial and an open casket at his funeral.  

Again, if you have not had this talk......then please do so.  And get your will and your life insurance this week too!!  :)

**Edit:  Okay, so it seems that I might not have been clear on a few things.  I got some questions so I figure I might as well go ahead and add a little more info here. 

Yes, I do want and plan to be partially buried with Jason.  I want the boys to have a place where they can go to be with BOTH of their biological parents at the same time.  When I purchased Jason's plot....I also purchased mine.  His headstone has all of his information to the left and the entire right side of the stone is left blank for all of my information one day.  Some might find this decision odd but it wasn't a hard one to make.  He was my first love and such a huge part of my life.  Again, with the boys in the picture....it just seemed like the right thing to do for them and for me.

I also hope and plan to be partially buried with Shawn too.  Yes, he is/will also be a huge part of my life as well.  Even though our burial styles will be different (I will be cremated and he won't) we will purchase a plot that will accomodate both of us.  I envision that we will also do a split style headstone like Jason's.  I think this will also be a place for the boys to go....because they obviously love Shawn too.

I imagine that at some point in the future, Shawn and I will go ahead and pre-buy our plots.  Just to make things easier for the surviving spouse.

Someone mentioned that this conversation was probably a hard one to have with Shawn.  It actually wasn't at all.  Not even an issue.  I think because he knew and loved Jason and he also understood my feelings on certain things way before he fell in love with me.  He is never intimidated or jealous of my love for Jason in any way.  That is another thing that makes him so great!

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Jason went to college in Arkansas and most of his best buddies lived in other states.  During our marriage he would often talk about how he wished some of these guys lived closer or that they were able to see each other more often.  You know guys.....they really stink when it comes to making plans and carving out time to see each other.  Girls would have made it a yearly tradition to do that.  Unfortunately, time passed and Facebook seemed to be the main way he stayed connected with them.  The summer before Jason died, he told me that he wanted to be the one to organize or initiate a get together with some of the guys.  I hate so much that he didn't get that chance!  After Jason died, a big group of his college friends decided to do a reunion weekend in Jason's honor.  

2012

This past weekend, they got together again and had a good time catching up.  I love so much that these guys are making time for each other.  Just really sad that Jason isn't there to join them.

I can only imagine the fun and the stories he would have if he had been there.  

Make it a priority to see your friends.  Don't let years pass before you see them or hug their neck. You never know if/when you will get the chance again.