If you had just 5 more minutes with him, what would you say?
That was the question asked at the Warm Place last night.
And my eyes immediately filled with tears at just the thought of it. You could feel the room sort of tense up.....and I gathered that everyone else was just as upset with this question and the "place" this took your mind to.
What I would give for just 5 more minutes!
We were given a sheet of paper and asked to write down what we would say if given 5 more minutes with our loved one. I looked around and noticed several others writing through their tears. It felt almost cruel......to dangle that "what if" carrot in front of us. I was shocked at my reaction. Granted, I haven't felt well this week and I'm not sleeping great so I am tired and weepy. But, I had a hard time keeping it together. I am not sure that I've even gone to that place in my mind........so what would I say if I had 5 minutes with him? I noticed that others were spending quite a bit of time writing and filling the sheet up. I quickly jotted down 6 words.
I sat and listened to the heartbreaking words from those in my group. Again, I had a hard time controlling the tears as I heard the sadness, the desperation coming from those left behind. I don't necessarily consider these people my friends but we obviously have a bond that has been established because of sharing our deepest thoughts and struggles over the last year. My heart was wide open and crushed for each one of them.
It was finally my turn.
That's what I would tell him. You see, Jason and I were given a gift that day. We had the opportunity to say goodbye to each other.......even though I had no idea it would actually be the last time we talked. We were able to pray together and love on each other for a few minutes. I listened to him tell me what a great wife and mom I was. He told me that if he didn't make it, he wanted me to love again and remarry. He was so strong that day. I was a wreck. Everything was happening so fast and I was panicked. I remember looking at him.....barely even able to make out his face because the tears were pouring out. I shook my head in disbelief that we were even having that conversation. The greatest part of all that is that nothing was really left unsaid between us. I thank God often for that because not everyone gets that chance.
If given 5 minutes with Jason......and knowing what I know now .......I would tell him that we are going to be okay. I would tell him that I am way stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. I would tell him that I would try my hardest to keep schedules and routines as normal for the boys and that they would continue to feel secure and loved. I would tell him that even though I don't want him to go...that it's okay if he does. We will be okay. But I think he knew that all along. Based on his words that day, he had been able to see that strength in me that I was never able to see.
So my question to you is.......if you knew that you only had 5 minutes left with your spouse or your child, what would you say? Now go and say it. You may not get the chance again.